You know how it is. First you can’t buy a vowel in the game of life, then you notice it’s been two months since you looked at your blog. I wanted to write something here, I really did. I was waiting for a happy thought.

I had a Moment of Joy on Friday. It was casual day at work, so blue jeans all around. I had on a light blue pair I like that don’t make me look too fat. As usual, I brought my breakfast to work, including yogurt mixed with mashed strawberries. At 7:30 a.m. I sat down at my desk, opened the little plastic container, and promptly dripped yogurt in my lap. “Why does God hate me?” I wondered.

Berry stains are notoriously unforgiving. Drop yogurt with mashed strawberries in your lap and, make no mistake, you will get a pink spot that really pops on light blue denim. Time was of the essence. I dipped a napkin in my water glass and attacked the stain, which was about the size of a quarter and already had a stubborn, hopeless look about it. “Nobody likes me,” I thought.

Then I noticed the bottle of Windex I keep on the floor by my desk because any day now I’m going to clean my office. I grabbed it, aimed, pulled the trigger and… the spot vanished. Disappeared. Poof, stain gone! “All my troubles are over,” I told myself.

For the rest of the day, I preached the gospel of Windex. People were amazed. That night I woke up at 3 a.m. thinking about Windex and how it might be my salvation in other ways. Mustard is tough. Would the magic work on mustard? There was nothing for it but to get up, go down to the kitchen, put some mustard on an old rag and shoot it with Windex.

Which did not work. BUT it wasn’t REAL Windex; it was a bottle of blue stuff that looks exactly like Windex but costs less because I am committed to saving pennies in any small way I can to offset the thousands of dollars that fly away every month. Obviously, I need to get the genuine article and try the mustard test again. Yes, I will buy Windex. And maybe a little spray bottle I can fill and keep in my purse. Better safe, as they say.

Photo: Cinema surveillance images (
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