So Why Would I Win the Lottery in 2009?

Can’t remember what the weather was like in 2009, but it couldn’t have been more crazy-making than 2011. Winter’s paralyzing cold and snow, followed by the spring that wasn’t, followed by our so-called June, has morphed into unrelenting heat and humidity interrupted only by the occasional monsoon. Highways buckled this week. Sinkholes appeared out of nowhere. Meanwhile, the lottery pool at work remains as dry as Death Valley. Well, we didn’t win anything in 2009 either.

Feb. 27, 2009
So the Powerball is up to $175 million. If we win I might go out and buy some of those new e-cigs that dispense nicotine and look like real cigarettes and even shoot out a little puff of something that looks like smoke. They’re pretty pricey, but I’m sure they’re worth it.

If we don’t win, I may plan a yard sale this spring. It’s one of life’s mysteries how you can keep giving stuff to the Goodwill and never make a dent in the household inventory. I was standing in my closet this morning (smoking) and happened to look up at the top shelf, where some of the things indispensable to my happiness reside, including a black and red feather boa and a fishing hat from Perham, MN. If I don’t force myself to part with some of this stuff, all I can foresee is a pretty embarrassing estate sale for the girls down the road.

March 25, 2009
Winning $81 million would be a good thing about now. For the last three months the city has been sending me notices: “Possible Leak Detected.” Well, I know there’s a possible leak. In fact, it’s an actual leak in the form of a slow drip in the bathroom sink, which I have successfully ignored so far because 1) I can’t hear it and 2) I am waiting for it to fix itself. Plumbing will do that sometimes.

Things aren’t looking promising though. If I have to break down and call a plumber, maybe he can fix the icemaker in the refrigerator at the same time. I haven’t had ice for about two years now because the icemaker refuses to fix itself. Of course, I could buy some ice cube trays, but why should I be the one to give in?

April 3, 2009
Speaking of money, I was watching the news last night when I was struck by a protester’s sign demanding the end of it. Money, that is. It’s a hard thing to get your mind around. Of course, we know money is an illusion – numbers bouncing back and forth between the world’s computers – but still it’s hard to imagine how we’d function without any.

Would working behind the butcher counter for an hour be enough for a 5-lb. chuck roast? Would we have to grow our own fruits and vegetables? (I’d be the first to get rickets.) I can sew, but I don’t know what the rest of you will do for clothes. Then again, we all probably have enough clothes at home right now to last the rest of our lives; and this would certainly be a more interesting place to work if everyone were restricted to their existing wardrobe from this point on.

But as far as I know money is alive and well, and I wish we’d win the lottery so there’d be a few more numbers bouncing around with my name on them.

May 29, 2009
As you’ve no doubt heard, some person or persons from South Dakota won the $222 million jackpot on Wednesday. That means the Powerball goes back down to $20 million, which seems like just nothing now, doesn’t it? I don’t know as I’d even take it, what with the South Dakotans lording it over us: “Oh, you poor things, you only won $20 million. But don’t feel bad. You still have all those lakes.” Frankly, I don’t need anymore humiliation in this lifetime.

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